Win Sasuke Uchiha, Your Boyfriend!
by soybean prophecy
Summary: "Win Sasuke Uchiha, Your Boyfriend!"  "...This should be good."


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

(See that? What a cool short disclaimer. )

Summary:

"Win Sasuke Uchiha, your boyfriend!"

…This should be good.

**Naruto speaking**

Sasuke speaking

_Sakura speaking_

Kakashi speaking

(Anyone else) Speaking

**Hey! All fanfiction readers, today we will do something that we have never done before…EAT RAMEN-OW! What was that for, Sakura-chan?**

_Stop being so idiotic, Naruto. We are definitely NOT eating Ramen. How can you eat that disgusting stuff, anyway?_

**How dare you insult my precious Ramen? Anyway, we're getting off topic. What we're **_**really**_** going to do today is -drum roll please- Get my Teme of a best friend a girlfriend! **

I completely refuse to be a part of any of this.

_Oh! Sasuke-kun! _

**What do you mean you're not having any part in this? You have to! You agreed! You-I give up. **

_I do have to agree with Naruto on this one. If you would stop being so emo maybe you would get a decent girlfriend that you liked!_

…I don't need a girlfriend.

**What do you mean, you don't need a girlfriend? You are in desperate need of one, Teme! You have to be as happy as me and Hinata!**

Hinata and I.

**What did you say you-!**

_Alright guys, calm down. We even forgot our talk show! Naruto! Hurry up!_

**Heh heh. Sorry, Readers, I forgot to introduce myself! I'm Naruto Uzumaki and I'm going to be Hokage one day! Dattebayo! Believe it! **

Dobe.

**What did you call me? I'm going to-!**

_Guys! Anyway, I'm Sakura Haruno. Naruto and I are going to be your talk show hosts for this event, "Win Sasuke Uchiha, your boyfriend!" And now, we will introduce our special guest star, Sasuke Uchiha!_

Hn.

…_Wow. Got a lot to say for yourself, huh?_

**I will now translate for all of you people! This particular "Hn" means "I love this talk show! I really want a girlfriend!"**

Damn you.

**Will you stop this cursing! I am only trying to ease that stick in your butt down a little.**

_Guys! *Sigh* Well, we have to introduce our contestants! Contestant #1! Ami Higurashi! _

(Ami) Sasuke-kun! Don't worry; our love will not be lost. I will win this for you!

_Umm…Okay! Moving on to our next contestant! Contestant #2! Orochimaru…?_

(Orochimaru) Ssssssassssuke-kun…you will be mine…sssssssssss

**Whoa…creepy…what did you do, Sasuke?**

What are you talking about? I didn't do anything!

_Moving on! Our next contestant is Ino Yamanaka? Ino-pig? What are you doing here?_

(Ino) Forehead! Look, I promise, I don't know how I got here. What is this, anyway?

_It's our talk show, "Win Sasuke Uchiha, your boyfriend!"_

(Ino) I'm on TV? OMG! Do I look okay? Is my makeup fine?

**I thought Ino was dating Shikamaru! Turns out to be a fake gossip!**

Hn. She was.

**Wha-? B-but she never said anything about it, and-**

_WHAT? Ino-pig, you never told me about this? And how does Sasuke-kun know?_

**-and I thought Shikamaru was going out with Temari! I'm confused!**

(Ino) Ugh…Don't remind me of Temari, that b-

_No cursing! This is K-rated, remember? Children are watching this!_

(Ino) Sorry, Forehead. I meant, that "wonderful witch" Temari came and stole Shika away from me. Did I not deserve him?

**Wait, from rumors, I heard that you liked Sai!**

(Ino) Oh that's right, I-wait. How does _Naruto_ know this?

**I have sources. I just don't need to reveal them right away.**

Meaning, that Naruto blackmailed someone.

**It does not! I didn't really **_**blackmail**_** her…**

_What did you do, Naruto? _

**I just asked politely. You know, Hinata-chan. She tells me everything AND buys me Ramen. How lucky is that?**

_You got this out of HINATA? Man, she must really have a crush on you to give you this kind of information…_

**Yeah. And now that we're dating, she tells me everything! She even told me that Sakura mumbles in her sleep-a specific name to be exact…**

Who?

**BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Did you see that, Sakura-chan? Sasuke wants to know who you dream about!**

_Naruto! *blushes* You don't know anything!_

(Ino) He's telling the truth. You do say a certain someone's name, Sak.

_INO!_

Are we going to move on to the next contestant?

_Sorry, Readers! Moving on…Contestant #4! Sai-What?_

(Sai) Hey, ugly.

_What do you think you're doing, Sai? Isn't this considered to be gay?_

**HAHAHAHAHAHA! Sai's gay! He really **_**is**_** a replacement of Sasuke!**

Excuse me?

Yo!

**Kakashi-sensei? What are **_**you**_** doing here?**

_Yeah, didn't you give us a day off so you could sneak off and read that perverted book of yours?_

I had a feeling you guys would plan something like this. I was watching it on TV, you know. It was very amusing.

It's a waste of my time and energy.

(Ino) Sai? Why are you a contestant on the show, "Win Uchiha Sasuke, your boyfriend"?

(Sai) Honestly, I don't know. I think I was transported here or something like that.

(Ino) Really? Me too…

_Enough of you two lovebirds, let's get on with the show!_

**Yeah! Dattebayo!**

Hn. Whatever.

_Contestant #5! Tenten Kunai! Welcome! We-wait huh?_

(Tenten) Oh yeah? I'm gonna get you with-where am I?

**Tenten? What are **_**you**_** doing here? Didn't you like Neji or something?**

What a surprise. It's Hyuuga's girl.

(Tenten) *blush* I am NOT Hyuuga's girl! Stop calling me that! I don't like Neji! Plus, I have NO idea how I got here. One minute I was training with Neji, the next minute I'm here with you guys…

**So you **_**do**_** like Neji…**

It's obvious. Besides, they are training partners, am I right?

_Tenten likes Neji-kun. See? She's turning red now. _

*twitch* Neji-kun?

(Tenten) Someone's jealous… and I do NOT like Neji-kun! Oops…

**HAHAHAHA! You said "Neji-kun!" I have proof! And Teme's jealous of Neji!**

I am not.

**You so are. I saw you twitch.**

_Naruto, what are you talking about?_

**Teme likes you, duh. He's all jealous of you calling Neji, "Neji-kun".**

Dobe, I swear, I'll kill you a thousand times over!

**See? He didn't deny it. He **_**does**_** like y-OWOWOWOWOW! Why'd you throw a kunai at me?**

_Sasuke! Why'd you do that? Naruto, are you okay?_

Hn. Kun.

_It's okay, Naruto. Wait, what did you say, Sasuke?_

Sasuke-kun.

_Umm…Okay. Sasuke-kun, can we please go on?_

Aa.

This is just like chapter 10 in my book, Icha Icha Paradise!

**Kakashi-sensei, no one reads that horrible book of yours. Newsflash: NO ONE CARES!**

I am offended.

No one cares about that either.

_Okay…Contestant #6! Neji Hyuuga…?_

**HAHAHA! I knew Neji was gay! I mean, who shampoos and conditioners all day?**

(Neji) Naruto, you will face my wrath.

_Naruto, this time we're not going to take that shot._

**B-but Sakura-chan! You have to help me!**

Hn. Dobe. Always getting himself into some kind of trouble.

**OI! WHAT did you call me? I am NOT dead last!**

_*facepalm* GUYS! Snap out of it! Just because Neji took the path to gayness doesn't mean it has to throw you off!_

(Neji) Hn? Sakura-chan, what did you say?

*twitch*Sakura-chan?

**Neji and Sakura-chan are **_**so**_** going out!**

HN?

(Tenten) WHAT?

**See? You two totally like them. Teme likes Sakura-chan and Tenten likes Neji.**

Actually, I'm just spitballing here, but Naruto seems to know more about relationships than all of you people. Excluding me, of course.

_Yeah Kakashi-sensei, like it's going to help us in life._

Hn. It didn't help him much in life, and he doesn't have much time left anyway.

Excuse me? I'm not _that_ old, you know.

**Sure Kakashi-sensei, whatever you say. Hey, we forgot our talk show again!**

_I'm so sorry! Anyway, our next contestant is…Karin!_

(Karin) Sasukeeeeee-kunnnnnnn! I LOVE YOU! Is that pink-haired witch here to elope with you? Too bad! I got you first!

Tch. Annoy—Ahem. Aggravating.

_Okay…Here is our next contestant! Let's give a warm welcome to… Hinata Hyuuga! The-what?_

**HINATA-CHAN? What are you doing here? TEME, I swear, if you made her come here, I will-**

Relax. She was probably teleported here by accident like the others.

**Oh. *Deep breath* Hi Hinata-chan!**

(Hinata) Hello Naruto-kun. I brought Ramen. Hungry?

**This is why Hinata-chan is the best ever! *Gobbles Ramen* SO GOOD!**

_Ah. Young love. How sweet is that?_

Hn. Whatever.

_How could you say that, Sasuke-kun?_

Aa.

**Just forget him! He's being emo again.**

_Uhh…okay…Our next contestant is Rock Lee, who is a …guy?_

(Rock Lee) Oh! My youthful cherry blossom! Will you go out with me?

_Ah! I-_

No. Hn.

_Sasuke-kun! You can't make decisions for me like that! Sorry, Lee-kun._

(What's with all the –kuns?) Whatever.

_*Sticks out tongue* Meanie. Lee-kun, I accept._

**And the plot thickens! *Stares at Sasuke* (Wonder how he's gonna take it…)**

No. She doesn't accept.

_WHAT? Don't listen to that emo butt! I'm coming!_

(Rock Lee) Oh, youthful cherry blossom, I didn't realize you had a protective boyfriend! I will challenge thee and run three hundred laps around Konoha!

Ooh. This is better than Icha Icha Paradise!

***Stuffs mouth with popcorn* I know, right?**

_Lee-kun, we'll talk about this later, okay?_

Sakura, accept and be his girlfriend!

NO.

**Ooh…we have an objection over here!**

_*hands on hips* Sasuke-kun, you can't make me do whatever you want just because you're my teammate and you think you have control over me—mmph!_

Oh my god…Who'd think Sasuke would make the first move?

**YOU GO MAN!**

Sakura. Be my girlfriend.

_Hey, after __one__ kiss, you expect me to just be your girlfriend? Well, your wro—mmph! Ohh…mmh….Sasuke-kun! _

**Hey! Keep this K-rated! We're still on TV, remember?**

Looks like the talk show comes to an end. In the end, Sakura Haruno wins Sasuke Uchiha as her boyfriend!

**Wow…who'd think it would end that way? Well, see you! Good night! **

_It's still morning, Naruto._

**Oh, Sakura-chan! Done with your make-out session?**

Nope.

_Huh? I—mmph! MMPH! Ooh…mmh…we're..oh..on…TV…Sasuke-kun! MMPH!_

**Uhh…that's it for today! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! My virgin eyes! IT BURNS!**

Hey, when you guys have kids, can you name one after Naruto and me?

_KAKASHI-SENSEI! What makes you think we'll be doing that anytime soon?_

Hn. Yes.

_Sasuke-kun? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Maybe in a few years…_

Aa. Sooner.

**Hahaha. Sasuke is more perverted than you think! *Wink Wink***

*Throws Sakura over shoulder*

_HEY! Put me down! Sasuke-kun!_

It's time to complete my second goal.

Have fun!

...

…

…

…

…

Should we go watch them?

**KAKASHI-SENSEI! YOU PERVERT! …..But seriously, yeah we should. Race you there! I wanna see it first!**

Chyeah right. *Poof*

**Damn you old man! Now I have to run there…Dang!**

_The End_

No need to review or anything. This story is just for fun. Fun to read and fun to write. THANK YOU!


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